


The Doctor is a lonley man

by Bhishak



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:36:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bhishak/pseuds/Bhishak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is alone and does something bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The lonley man

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Doctor Who fic, it honestly started out as an innocent school essay. I will say I did not hand this version in due to obvious reasons.

The Doctor is a lonely man with the hearts and eye's of an older man.

He owns an old blue box called the Tardis that can travel through time and space.

The Tardis never takes him were he wants to go but she takes him were he's needed.

He's had companions come and go, some go of there own free will.

While others die under his care to save him and the people of earth.

He once had a wife and kids. He even had grand kids that he would show the universe to, but this is no more.

For his home planet Gallifrey is gone, it's stuck in a never ending time war.

He wishes everyday that he could save them but if he does the history of the universe will implode.

So everyday he sheds a tear in secret when his companions are gone or off exploring the many rooms the Tardis creates.

He go's to his room were no one can find him and locks his door.

He sits on his barley used bed and lets the tear flow freely.

He knows its safe to cry in his room because not one of his companions has been able to find it, not even Rose was able to.

He will sit for hours crying for the times he will never have back with his wife.

For the times he will never be able to helps his kids through there hard times.

And for the times he will never get to spoil his grandchildren again.

He also cry for all his companions lives he's ruined with his presence.

They all tell him that he's the greatest, that he's the best thing that has ever happened to them, that they love him.

He knows that's not true he's a horrible person, he's a monster.

He will sit there and every once in awhile he'll open a secret shelf by his bed.

Inside this shelf is an old friend, a friend stained with his blood.

The metal no longer shin's like it once did, the little razer blade had become a friend after his family had died.

Every once in a while it would call out to him and say " Hey I can make the pain go away, I can make you feel better. Come on you deserve it don't you, for all that pain you caused your family and your so called friends go through every time they see you. Come on Just a little slice, they won't notice."

And sadly it was right not one of his companions noticed and he was glad too he didn't want their pity, he didn't deserve their pity.

By now the blade was in his hands, he thought for a moment if he should do it or not.

He had told Amy and Rory to exploring the Tardis to keep them busy for awhile and they most likely will never find his room.

So he thought what the hell they would never notice anyway.

So he rolled up his sleeve and pressed the cold razer to the heat of his wrist and pressed down so there was a little trickle of blood coming out.

Just as he was about to make a small barely noticeable cut his bedroom door opened.

When his door opened he had jumped an had made a deep slice through his wrist.

He turned to see a horror stricken Rory standing in the door frame that he could have sworn he lock.

They just stared at each other for what felt like hours, when the nurse in Rory jumped into action.

He ran over to the Doctors side and grabbed his wrist tight in order to stop the bleeding and to keep the Doctor from running away.

" Were's your infirmary " said Rory. The Doctor just stared at him in shock.

" WERE IS YOU INFIRMARY " yelled Rory. This shook the Doctor out of his thoughts.

" D-down the h-hall and to the right of the f-fish tank " stumbled out the Doctor.

Rory then pulled the Doctor out of bed and processed to drag him to the infirmary.

Once there he shoved the Doctor down on to one of the beds and ran off to grab what he needed to patch the Doctor up.

The Doctor just sat there in aw that Rory was able to find him when no one else could.

Then Rory was in front of him again was about to grab his wrist when he pulled it away.

" Doctor let me patch you up your losing to much blood .... Please? " Rory said with those puppy dog eye's he could never say no to.

He let Rory patch him up and as Rory was wrapping his wrist with gauze he found the courage to speak " How'd you find me?"

For a split second Rory froze then spoke " I don't know I just had this feeling that something was wrong then something showed me the way, I didn't even realize what I was doing till I .... opened your door."

This had to be the Tardis's doing then but why Rory, why not show Rose were he was back then.

" Were's Amy? " asked the Doctor not wanting her to walk in and find her raggedy man broke and hurt.

" I left her in one of your kitchens, she's cooking something for us to eat " replied Rory after he was done wrapping his wrist.

The Doctor nodded in response. " Why, I mean you seem so ... happy why would you do this?" Rory asked scared to know the answer.

" Because I deserve it " the Doctor whispered. This stopped Rory's Heart.


	2. Worthless

“ I’m worthless….. completely unneeded…., “ muttered the Doctor as he looked away from the devastating look that settled on Rory’s face.

Rory himself couldn’t believe the words he heard spilling off the Doctor’s tongue. He had to say something in turn, but what?  Unable to find the words he needed to comfort his friend he stood and took the broken man in front of him into a tight hug. Startled by the sudden contact the Doctor stiffened, not knowing what to do he sat completely still. “ You're not worthless, not to me or Amy that’s for sure. You are needed we love you and nothing you can do will ever change that. “ Rory whispered as he started rubbing circles across the Doctor’s back.

Unable to control himself the Doctor hugged back as tears began to roll down his face. “ I-I can’t keep going like t-this…. ..someday something will h-happen to you two and it will be all M-MY fault!! ” 

                             Should I continue or not?


	3. I had a bad day

Why am I such a pointless wreck, I don't deserve to live. I’m poisonous to everyone around me, I’m so stupid …. stupid…..useless…. reckless… fuck up of a man. These thoughts took a hold of the Doctor's mind as he paced around the console room. Amy and Rory were currently in the infirmary patching one another up. 

This trip was supposed to be a relaxing fun trip for them to enjoy together, but of course as usual everything ended up going to hell. This time however both Amy and Rory almost lost there lives to a blood hungry monster, literally. God how stupid was he for letting that thing get so close to them, why didn’t he notice the monster before hand. If it wasn’t for dumb luck he could of gotten them killed.. he could of lost his friends all over again. So many have died in his care, the thought of losing two more….. it practically stopped his hearts. 

The Doctor’s pace increased as different thoughts of how much he screwed up tormented his mind. Each thought pounding its way deeper into his mind as his heart's beat’s increased more and more, before he knew it he started hyperventilating. Every now and again he would mumble a word after a few shallow breaths, “ Pointless…….idiot…...screw up……………..killer…….” Unaware of his surroundings he failed to notice Rory had walked up and was now standing on the top step of the stairs.

Rory felt as if he was paralyzed, stuck in one place watched the Doctor pace back and forth, back and forth mumbling. He couldn't move as he listen to the different words the Doctor spoke, when the word Killer left the Doctor's lips his gut twisted into knots. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he willed himself down each step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.... I had a bad day and needed to vent my feeling some how in a healthy way.


End file.
